Throughout the month of Ramadan it feels as if you are being stripped down to the core of everything that numbs you. There's no food to indulge in when you want it the absolute most, no water to nourish you at your most dehydrated, no music to fill your ears and distract you from what's mundane, no idle talk to carry you away from the present reality. And dude, it is tough! All the while you gotta keep a lid on your temper and in my case; impossibly short patience. So, on the train home yesterday I listed every single moment I was grateful for in that day when what I really wanted to do was curl up in a ball and switch the "life off" button. And I'm not talking sh*t here, it worked like magic! I made it home feeling insanely weightless. I even tried to test how genuine it was by forcibly trying to think negatively afterwards (I'm still a sicko at heart) but, alas! It did not succeed!
My list began as a simple one. I gave thanks to the mug of water that broke my fast; the awesome chick who complimented my lashes; making the train on time; the smile shared by the Top Juice guy - another fellow "faster"; and the chocolate I found on the top shelf left by my colleague right after I had wished I had something sweet to eat. It's actually a really funny story. I was hunting for something sugarcoated like a ravenous bird (it gets ugly when you can finally eat, but have very little to break with), and I had looked up and everything immediately slowed down. I could hear an angelic harp play lowly in the background while a golden halo glimmered right above the purple Cadbury wrapper that had been folded so neatly I managed to miss the fact that it was there the whole entire day. I progressed to more particular moments. I was thankful I made it through the day with the little effort I could muster from my energy deprived legs, and utterly thankful for the super cool Turkish glassware I marvelled at in the tea store next door that somehow transported me to exotic sand dunes when I stared closely at the intricate gold designs plastered around the lip of the tumblers. I was also thankfully relieved nothing broke while I mishandled them.
I continued my gratitude for the random person who messaged me on Instagram with absolutely nothing to gain who kindly complimented my amateur photography; Thank You guy, you have no idea how much that meant to me. I was grateful for not smelling like a rotten pair of socks despite forgetting to put deodorant on in the morning (hey, I'm human); grateful for the George Michael music that chimed throughout the incredibly arduous day we had at work; grateful for my coworker who continued to share her stories with me despite my evident lack of interest (not because of her stories but because of my lack of energy to respond). I was grateful for the guy who helped unload my garbage into the compactor after seeing me struggle under its weight (I am the absolute first to vouch that chivalry is totally dead, and this gesture was unbelievably meaningful to me because it's often I'm lugging around garbage at work while the rested security guards sit and watch while offering not a single hand of help).
I was also humbled and indebted to the past and the future. Relieved to be somewhere other than where I was this time last year - struggling to make sense of the hurdles that pained me, wondering if and when I'd ever see out. I was reconciled that I found the courage and strength in the most isolating and destructive of times to bring me to this new place; the present, with its own set of challenges just as testing, however far more progressive and opportune than the ones before. I was also thankful for the feeling of hopefulness for what's to come. Such as the prospect of getting into the shower after this painstakingly long day, and for the ticket booked that will carry my sister and her wonderful kids closer to me in a months time, when I can feel the kind of love that I don't find anywhere else on this Earth.
I am learning as time moves, that each day presents us with something I can only describe as a cube, or perhaps a triangle, - no; a single line. A single line with two sides. You can view each day by looking at either side of this line, and everyday you get to decide from which side to stand. The single line might represent truth - reality - whatever something is in its full solidity, yet we contain the freedom to adjust our scope and reassign our position. We cannot change the line itself, but we can move around it, be flexible, and define which side suits us best. One side might even appear more comfortable and familiar, although grey and glum. The other side however, is anew with colour, different and certainly far out from what we are used to, alien yet still alluring, and somehow incredibly positive. It's looking at the line and saying "This line is here, just as it is, and it protects me, aligns me, keeps me thinking, imagining, creating and focused". Or, it can be perceiving the very same line and saying "This line is here to stop me, to limit me, to guard me from what's better and what's free, it is here to serve as a reminder that life is forever dull and hopeless". Instead of a barrier I turned the line into an arrow, and it directed my attention elsewhere, to things much more important to me.
It lead me to think about choice, and how we are all given the will to choose how each and every experience we encounter will either serve or deprive us. Rumi, among the many impactful things he philosophized, said; "live life as if everything is rigged in your favour". How enchanting is that? That even the things we deem most troublesome can actually be wired to work for us, to benefit us in some crazy and magnetic way.
So just be thankful man, Give thanks whenever, wherever; and always.
Forever Grateful,
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